At the end of any emotional crisis, comes a time of “repackaging” one’s Self. There are good and bad aspects within each one of us…some “bad” aspects are a matter of perception on the part of each person.
One aspect of our change, involves a choosing of the many emotional pieces that lie within our Self, locking those together, like the pieces of an emotional puzzle, and we will choose how we will present ourselves to other people in a way that is acceptable to our Self FIRST.
This is not a “mask”–this is an honest presentation, beginning within, that involves, what another person gets to see is what you really are…and it’s part of learning to live in an honestly authentic way; without selfishness, without lack of consideration for others, without lack of love, and without becoming totally consumed in Self.
Living authentically also involves clearly-set boundaries that let people know what you will and won’t tolerate from them in the way of emotional behaviors, (Self-Care) and it also shows a clear definition of who you are, what you’re about, without compromising your core Self and Values. You develop a “take me as I am, or leave me alone” kind of attitude that is shown to people who may not like what you are, or have become once your emotional journey is completed.
Living authentically is not necessarily about what you do–it’s really about WHO you are, and what you do, is based on that honest “knowing” of yourself.
This would clearly reflect in your ways, your speech, and how you relate to other people. There is no “waffling” or “negativity” or “defense” involved. You live unapologetically, without pride, arrogance, or negativity. You know clearly where you end, and someone else begins. The person who understands the concept of living authentically, also knows, and learns to understand where other people’s growth stands, and they adjust themselves accordingly, without compromising their beliefs.
Adjustment involves learning how to live with, and deal with difficult people who aren’t going to disappear, or go away, just because a person learns to live from the point of their Authentic Self. I live authentically, but I’m still called upon to deal with difficult people. The adjustment I make, involves paying attention to their actions, and knowing when to set a boundary on bad behavior without compromising my character aspects, which include my Stand on what I believe, and my refusal to sacrifice myself on the altar of someone else’s sin.
People who have learned to live in an authentic way don’t seek to justify their actions, their ways–they just ARE who they ARE, and they’re comfortable within their own skin. People who practice authentic living, have learned to live in peace, because their self confidence, self esteem, and self worth have been self established, deeply rooted within themselves. This is NOT narcissistic behavior by any means, because that same person will still show compassion, consideration, love, and empathy toward others they know and perceive are in deep emotional pain.
This doesn’t mean you would step on other people just to get your own way in things, but it would mean that you know the clear difference between right and wrong, and temptation to backslide into what you were, would be a recognizable aspect, a snare, if you will, that you would know to avoid, ignore, and walk past.
Your positive mental attitude would become a habit, an ingrained trait that deeply miserable people would seek to bring down, but since you know and understand that happiness is found within, you would just let that particular light shine even brighter, and not allow miserable and angry people to bring you down.
It’s a strange thing that negative people seem to hate someone who is clearly happy, and at peace within themselves–and since they want what you have, they seek to steal both aspects, so that you will become as miserable and angry as they are.
Believe it or not, it’s harder to maintain positivity, than it is to maintain negativity. It’s harder to maintain hope, than it is, to sink into a deep well of despair. It’s also easier to become lose your patience, and become angry, than it is to remain patient, even in the midst of life’s hardest trials that will test you and try you, even to the end of your emotional rope. 🙂
Remember that change, positive or negative, is all about you—and change effected in you, and made permanent, always has an affect on the people around you.
To your own Self to be true, and this attitude will show an example to others who can learn from you. Being true to yourself means remaining comfortable in your own skin, a deep “knowing” of who you are, and staying determined that no one, and nothing can bring you down, unless you allow it to happen.
That does include your midlife spouse, who is so miserable, they’ll do anything to influence the left behind spouse into becoming as miserable, and unhappy as they are. Misery loves company, but once that company is achieved, the midlife spouse who is unable to live in peace, will seek to reject this “mirrored” aspect in the left behind spouse they have succeeded in bringing down to the midlife spouse’s very low emotional level.
When you kill a midlife spouse with kindness, rebellion usually results, because there is a raising of guilt, shame, and the pricking of conscience, because they feel they’re not worthy of kind treatment, nor worthy of love from anyone. They can’t accept good treatment, because they have never known what it was like for someone to actually be good to them, and this is often revealed in a past childhood issue that comes out when good treatment is given unto them.
When you understand what drives them, compassion should be developed within you, not to be confused with pity, or the giving of a “pass” for bad behavior. Boundaries can be set–based on the understanding of what drives their wrong actions–in love, patience, and compassion.
I totally understand you don’t like what they’re doing, and you don’t have to like it–but you don’t have any control over it, only over your choice to react/respond to anything to they do. You even have a choice NOT to do either one, because not everything done or said, requires a reaction/response. This, and many more lessons of life’s learning should be taken on board, and internalized throughout life. This prompts ongoing change, growth, and becoming that continually takes us forward into more times of “repackaging” our emotional Self, as we learn to help our Self to become better able to deal with any obstacle that is thrown our way. 🙂
This aspect of emotional “repackaging” of Self may return many more times in your lifetime. Our perception, perspective, and emotional growth clearly dictate that a self examination is necessary from time to time, and we do change based on our place and time of emotional growth.
Let it not be said that people don’t change, because they do, and have changed over the course of time. Anyone who says they’re the same person they were, say, twenty years ago, is lying to themselves, and trying to fool everyone else. Their perception of themselves is what says they haven’t changed–but the people who know them best, will always know the truth that is revealed as they see through that person’s lies.
No one remains the same, unless they choose to become stagnant, unmoving, and refuse to step out of the comfort zone of their emotional immaturity. For what it’s worth, this is not high school anymore, this is a time in our lives when we should leave those childish aspects behind, and learn to embrace true emotional adulthood.
It’s all a part of ongoing emotional growth that affects each one of us, IF we choose to understand that the journey of life never ends.
All food for thought. 🙂