The Determined Stanchion

Many talented people have a certain knack for exercising positive influence over others, containing proper leadership qualities that inspire the kind of confidence that leads toward change and growth. They are most able to influence people in a positive way, while releasing them to decide on their own individual course of action.

These same people choose to stand firmly on their faith in God, the love that remains for the spouse in transition, and the hope that fuels their own personal belief.  Their hearts know their chosen way to be the right path, as they consistently let their light shine in the hope their spouse in transition will see it and choose, in time, to return to reconcile and rebuild a new relationship from the ashes of the old.

The above describes a few of the qualities that lie within a true stanchion, (pillar of strength) who is determined to stand firm in the hopes of saving their marriage.

However, the path chosen toward this hoped for reconciliation of a new marriage is not without its difficulties.  The spouse in transition always retains the choice to go another direction, and other people, who lack understanding of why the stanchion has chosen thus, will attempt to influence them onto another path that leads away from the desired goal or outcome.

Human nature is such that people in general do not wish to encounter any difficulties within their individual lives, and when they do, it is certainly not for any real length of time.  All that any one person wants to do is to return to a prior state of perceived happiness and contentment, the sooner the better.

This is not so much a “fault” within any one person who becomes aware of a problem that needs solving, as it is a “learned” attitude from their past that needs readjusting.  The determined stanchion, with the help of the Lord, learns to overcome this attitude, to the further bewilderment of people who are standing on the outside looking into a situation that does not appear to contain any hope, incentive, or any clearly defined “reward”.  All they can see now, is the stanchion only seems to be bringing more trouble, than the current situation seems to be worth, upon themselves.

There always seems to be something “taboo” within the area of choosing to stay with someone who is obviously showing attitudes of deep rebellion, and/or deeply entangled within an adulterous union.  The consensus usually consists of attitudes such as “Dump them, you don’t need them”, or “You don’t deserve this kind of treatment”, or even “God wants you to be happy”.

Each comment is designed to try to influence the stanchion into simply giving up, moving on, and they are encouraged to find someone else, as there are always “more fish in the sea”.  These same comments (or ones similar) also come forth after the stanchion is perceived as being very unhappy, but does not seem to be doing anything concrete to rectify their situation.  Yet, by doing nothing, the stanchion certainly is doing something.

Once they have grasped the concept of letting go so God can freely work within their situation, they know that more good would be accomplished than by way of direct interference, which would result in making a bad situation even worse.

To be fair, most people who make these types of comments really do mean well, and they think they are helping because they do not wish to see anyone in pain.  However, they lack true understanding of why the stanchion has chosen to stay within the remnants of the currently destroyed relationship and make this kind of stand.

It is easy to give advice geared toward leaving the current situation, when one has not walked this particular path before.  It is also easy to say what one would do, if they were in the stanchion’s figurative shoes. However, when faced with the same or similar type situation, sometimes one will find they really would not do the same thing they once advised.

To add insult to injury, the stanchion will most often see people who once claimed friendship, forsaking them when the situation becomes dire.  In short, people often do not know what to say or do, so they distance themselves. During this same time, the true friends, who have chosen to there through thick and thin become separated from the ones who have only chosen to be there when things are going well.

Suffering abandonment in this aspect can be a source of true discouragement, but if the stanchion keeps an open mind, and a strong belief in the Lord, they will soon learn to overcome this in favor of a deeper connection with Him.

God is the only one who will be there to stand firmly with the stanchion throughout, while the majority of human people will fall by the wayside.  Since He is well acquainted with the aspect of abandonment, He will gladly fill in the “gaps” to help the stanchion not to feel so very alone.

In spite of everything, the determined stanchion learns to move forward in the strength and confidence that only God can provide.  They further learn to detach themselves from outside negativity that threatens to overwhelm their minds and hearts.

As their spouse’s transition continues forward, and their strength increases, God then calls them forth into an intensely personal journey that will lead them into a later time of wholeness and healing.

They will begin this journey with the hope for a restored marriage, and along the way, their focus changes, turning the energy they were directing toward their spouse in transition, upon themselves, as they learn they must “save” themselves first.

Regardless of where the road may lead, the stanchion knows to keep walking forward, as they learn to experience a greater self-awareness as time passes. They also come to realize their spouse in transition is on this same type of journey and the only difference is that each aspect learned by each individual will occur at differing times.

Along the way, there will be crossroads to face, decisions to make, and various obstacles to navigate.  The determined stanchion comes to know they are not just standing strong for a positive outcome as they continue moving forward; they are also learning to transform themselves through the current journey into what God means for them to become in the future.

Their strength increases as they face themselves in a way they never knew about before, and at the same time, they continue to stand for what they know is always the right thing to do, no matter what.

To become a true stanchion in a time of trouble is to learn to develop a strong foundation built of faith, hope, and love.  Once this foundation is complete, one learns to stand still, wait upon the Lord, and trust that He will always be there to walk, talk, and stand with the determined stanchion for the duration.

Always keep in mind there is hope, there is always hope, as long as love remains.  If you are the determined stanchion that is firmly standing for marital reconciliation, know that God has not forgotten you, as His heart is toward the sorrowful, broken, and devastated. He will help you, strengthen you, and heal you.

Until next time!
Much love,
HB

Since 2002, Hearts Blessing has been a pioneer in the area of knowledge and information written about the Mid Life Crisis. The owner and author of https://thestagesandlessonsofmidlife.org she writes articles that help people learn more about this confusing time of life. The main goal of this site is to help people know and understand that no matter what happens, every situation works out to the good of those who love the Lord, and are called according to His purpose. :)
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