Our marriage survived His Mid-Life Crisis, with the help of the Lord.
I have learned that true strength is built through the trials we endure.
There is hope as long as you love your Mid Life spouse, and are willing to learn the life’s lessons that are set before you as a result of this crisis.
The above was a custom signature I created and used at the end of every post I wrote on a forum message board I once frequented. It often caused people to mistakenly think I was a religious fanatic-until they got down to the business of getting to know me.
In time, as I displayed steady consistency in the various pieces of advice I gave to them, people came to know and understand that I was not your average Christian. I did not tell people they were going to Hell for their sins. I did not tell people anything regarding their spiritual state–that was never my place. What I was there to do then, and am here to do now, was to show people love and acceptance, teaching them about trusting in God. What I preached on all those threads for all that time, was what I truly believed, and my trust and belief in God was the solid foundation and platform from which I had always spoken.
God’s role in this trial is more important than you may realize, and before it is all over with, you will either bind yourself to Him, trusting Him with everything, or turn your back completely on Him–either way, He will continue working directly, and indirectly in your life, as He sees an opportunity to convince you that He truly loves you.
For what it is worth, we do not come to love Him until we begin to know that He loved us first. We are created in His image, and considering that God loves Himself, this is also the foundation for the teaching that if we cannot love ourselves, we cannot love others as we should love them. He shows us this aspect through the very act of creation–and in love, (if we will let Him), He will mold us, shape us, change us, grow us up, and cause us to become all that He knows we can become.
It would stand to reason He would love us simply because He created us as His own, to look just like Him. This is evidence there are many faces of God that we see every time we look at each other. He never makes junk–God creates beauty if you take the time to learn to see it for yourself.
I came to know a great deal about God during my spouse’s midlife crisis. I knew Him before it all started, but by the time I emerged into the other side, my knowledge of Him was increased in so many ways. I saw many miracles, and blessings that came forth during that time because God never forgot me, and He blessed me beyond measure.
One of the greatest gifts I ever received from this long-past experience was the gift of Intuition. It is well used, but not worn out. In fact, it grows greater as time continues forward, and God, who empowers this gift, was my most important help, not just during my spouse’s midlife crisis, but even afterward. Through the working of His Hand upon my life, I was instructed to continue forward within the aspect of guiding other people forward in their own journeys.
Very early on, I often asked, “Why, ME?” However, a question answered that question, “Why NOT you?” Being a human being, I came up with many arguments against why I would be a reasonable choice for this kind of work.
However, as I have learned over a long period of time–God never calls the qualified, He always qualifies the called. I have come to know it has all to do with a certain scripture where He speaks of using the simple things to confound the wise. He has given me much, and to that end, much of me is required. So, I’m here, and I walk this road every day with different people from all walks of life, starting from one end, leading to the next end, moving back and forth between one aspect in one person’s journey to a different one in another person’s journey–no two people are alike in how their journey is going to progress.
He has continued to equip me across many different areas within this time of life–the midlife transition, and the complementing journey to wholeness and healing. I start out teaching the midlife crisis for the purpose of increasing people’s understanding, then start nudging them toward their own personal journey.
Why? Because once they understand the midlife crisis in an ongoing way, there is not much else they can do, if anything–so they may as well take the time they have been given to begin learning to stand for themselves. With a love that is often tough along the way, I carry out my part by exposing them to knowledge, and tools that are helpful to those who choose to utilize these for their own benefit.
I cannot say that every person has come out as successfully as I had. I have lost more people than I have managed to bring through to this end, but it was not for lack of trying. The majority of people did not want to do the inner work necessary to reach this place I arrived in. They wanted to be where I was but wanted to bypass all of the work necessary to reach this point, and that could not be.
That made for some very angry people, but hey, I had once been there in the place of anger, too.
Most of them do not want to hear about how it is not enough to trust God, that they must also learn to trust a process that they perceive has damaged them. They really do not want to hear that one must learn to change, grow and become through a personal process that is so much like the midlife spouse’s.
They often forgot that the decision to continue with the marriage, or walk away, was never theirs–it had always belonged to their spouses. However, because these same spouses often chose alternate paths that either prolonged their midlife crisis or the left-behind spouse in question was unwilling to follow instructions to set boundaries, let go, let God, give space, and give the midlife spouse time to deal with themselves, regardless of how long it might take, the left-behind spouse would sabotage themselves in different ways, by not taking the advice given. That was always on them, and never on anyone else who was trying to help them.
Let us not forget the people who have not hesitated to say that they hated the crisis, but they also hated the word “journey.” This is a wrong attitude because if you hate something, you do not really believe in it; and in my humble opinion, if you hate, and/or do not believe in what you are supposedly helping people to accomplish for themselves you have no business advising in the first place.
With an attitude like that, it should not surprise you that what you hope for does not come to pass. Hope and hate are like oil and water, they do not mix–you will either have hope, or you will have hate–both cannot be had.
I had to outgrow this kind of attitude when it was me. Until I did, I was unable to walk the journey to get to the place I am in right now.
I came to be very glad for what I went through because this same journey built an inner strength I would not have developed otherwise. Along the way, I connected on a deeper level with the Lord, learning to trust Him as I never had known to do before.
The Lord worked with me for a long time, teaching me more about the human struggle within the area of emotional strife that happens within various areas–most people lack understanding. They have not learned that when you do not understand, it is simply enough to trust and believe in God, whose ways and thoughts are not like your average human being’s.
People often struggle with a God who would allow bad things to happen to good people. They further struggle with a God who sets down certain requirements for our change, growth and becoming. They become angry with a God who seems to turn His back on them as they are trying to stand back up after having been emotionally bombed by their midlife spouse.
Last, but not least, when nothing else works to bring a situation “back” to what it was before, they often choose to turn away from Him.
Turning away from Him at a time when one would need Him the most is the worst thing one could do in this life. There are benefits that come forth for us as a result of this midlife trial so many people are facing at this time. It is hard to understand that there could be good things that will come as a result of the bad things that happen.
However, God brings forth many good things out of the bad we so often face. When we learn that He is the only one who has control over all things, we learn to know that all things will work to the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28 paraphrase). You might ask what that has to do with you, that your situation is hopeless, you’re devastated, and you do not know how you are going to make it through all these things.
This has everything to do with you because when you hold on to hope, it helps to make daily living that much easier to bear. A hopeful attitude really does make a difference.
You may seek to blame God for what your midlife spouse is doing/has done, and you may lay down at night thinking you will never get through this. If you think in that way, until you learn to deal in a more positive way, you would be right.
When we choose the negative way to view the trial we are facing at any given time, we are cultivating a self-defeatist attitude in ourselves. Our words are powerful, and we can speak life or death over ourselves at any time–life and death during the midlife crisis is being used here in a figurative, rather than literal, sense. If we think negatively, our situation will react negatively. However, if we think positively, and begin trusting God without reservation, our situation will react positively.
We do have the capacity to create our own reality, good or bad, and if we choose to have a good view of a situation, we will become more likely to go through, develop our strength in ways we never anticipated, and eventually come through whole and healed in full. It is not the trial we are facing, but the attitude we choose to cultivate while going through is what matters the most in the eyes of God.
With God, strength and a hopeful attitude, you can come through this trial. You can do this, I know you can. If I can do it, I know that you can do it.