The “researching” aspect of the mid-life crisis is yet another aspect learned. Generally the tools for growth are given but each individual person is charged with the task of the various aspects that are learned within the crisis, including, but not limited to, doing the necessary research needed to attain more knowledge related not only to the mid-life crisis, but to your personal journeys as well, and some of this involves reading various sources for knowledge and understanding.
Some of this can be found in various places. My Intuition sent me into some of the strangest places. For example, I found Internet sources that explained about Boundaries, places dedicated to psychology, sociology, where I learned how our issues/aspects are linked to the crisis, not just for the mid-life spouse, but for the left-behind spouse, as well.
Even though you may read to your heart’s content everything that I, and other people, write, bear in mind that researching these things out to confirm what you are reading is often necessary. Not everyone writes from a place of true knowledge and understanding. Some people think they understand something, only to find out later they were wrong, and more research was necessary to correct their prior thinking.
There are some people who write some things at one sitting, but when their growth reaches another level, they find they have gained more aspects of this same prior knowledge that started out as the foundation for their future writings. So, they update those writings as they understand more.
The above is the category I fall into. I began with a solid foundation, and as I learn more, I build further upon what has been written before.
Sadly enough, there are people who carry on AS IF they have all these “keys” of knowledge, when they only have maybe one, two, or even none. So, always be careful of those whom you would choose to follow in your efforts to understand the mid-life stages/lessons and many other such times of life.
Also be careful of people who explain things in terms that are often above your own understanding. These people have not learned to explain things to help your understanding-they often do it to keep you confused, to keep you asking questions, so they can continue to “be needed.” The point being, you do not want to continually depend on others for what you can gain within the realm of your own understanding.
If you read something you have never seen before, and you do not understand it, give it all time, because understanding never comes all at one time–it often comes in bits and pieces, and multiple readings will give you what you need.
Within emotional trials, such as the mid-life crisis, there is no room for error. People’s very lives are at stake, and you would think people would want to be cautious about writing about aspects they do not understand that well themselves, but sadly, that is not the case in most situations.
If the writer cannot (or will not) expound/explain clearly in response to questions, something is seriously wrong.
Research is designed for YOU, to help yourself. I have found from direct experience that when I do my own research, and think it all out for myself, I learn so much more. I will ask questions if necessary, but in the end, the answers to everything that I have come to know, has come from God first, and myself second.
God, because He is the absolute source of all knowledge, all wisdom, and all things. He is the Maker and Creator, therefore, He would the one you would appeal to, first. He will send you by way of His Word, some secular resources, and even by helping you develop your own personal understanding to help you gain what’s needed for yourself.
Let those who would read, learn to understand what they are reading. It does no good to share knowledge when the understanding is not there, and it does no good if what is shared is confusing. This trial is confusing enough, without causing more confusion.
Utilizing the research aspect really helped me to come to the place of knowledge and wisdom from which I speak in this day and age. If I had not done the personal research required of me, so that I could gain this kind of understanding, I would not know a fraction of what I have come to know and understand about the mid-life crisis, and its various aspects.
I still research heavily at times, because I know it is a necessary thing to do. I often research what comes forth in hindsight, as my past experience brings back a deeper understanding than I had before. The increase in knowledge that I also experience as a result, brings deeper aspects of understanding that are unique to myself, and I strive to bring this same understanding to the table that holds so much food for thought.
I will even research certain areas and aspects over again, when helping other people, to increase my understanding in a whole different aspect. Why? It seems that some aspects bear reading for a second, third, fourth, or more times to get something more out of what was read before.
With that said, I do not deal in statistics. I leave that those who seem to think the mid-life crisis can be drilled down to this particular aspect. Quite honestly, in my humble opinion, I see statistics within this particular area as a waste of time that would be better spent in encouraging left-behind spouses to walk their personal journeys for themselves.
I would rather spend my time writing articles that would hopefully increase a left-behind spouse’s understanding of the crisis. Once their understanding is broadened, then hopefully, they will finally come to a place of understanding that nothing they do, or say, will stop this crisis from running its own course on the mid-life spouse’s timetable. Until that time, the left-behind spouse will waste their own time looking at useless statistical data that will not help them to resolve themselves.
People are always looking for a short-cut that will always lead into a dead-end, before they will either do one of two things: Get on their own journey for themselves, OR choose to divorce their mid-life spouse in search of a “better” option, and go through this all over again. It’s only a matter of time.
Take my advice, do the research. You will learn a whole lot more in the long run, if you do. Instead of taking any one person at their word, learn to ask questions, challenge their thinking, and in time, you will come to know the importance of research during the mid-life crisis.
