So much of my writing is drawn from long-term experience; based on what I have learned from all of the various mistakes made in the past. However, I will tell you upfront that I have never thought my marriage was a mistake.
God, who is my “first” husband, gave me this man to meet needs that were exclusive to myself, and him, simply because God created men and women for the purpose of being joined together by Him through a marital relationship. Over time, this union took a “boy” and a “girl”, transformed them into a man and a woman, and bonded them together for a lifetime.
Over time we have weathered many life’s storms to reach the place we have lived into. Yes, I said that right–“lived into.” What is married life if it is not lived forward, into greater places of learning between the couple?
As time has marched forward, I have come into a greater understanding of what God expects from a Godly wife.
As Godly wives, we are married to men whom God says we must support in every way that He has instructed. Since I have been married for a long time, I can tell you from experience, that has not always been an easy task to perform. I love my husband more than he will ever understand, and I will not tell you I have always been such a great example of what I am about to write.
However, with the continued help of God, who created the marital state with Adam and Eve, I never plan to simply back down, give up, and let Satan have his way whenever he thinks to try and devour our marriage.
Without exception, all marriages are always at risk of being attacked by Satan at any time, like it or not. Satan would like nothing better than to rip apart marriages, tempting various people through the usage of entitlement thinking.
Sure, there are times of peace, but that is a time when you continue to keep your eyes open, your Godly Armor highly polished and strengthened, keeping your spiritual weapons always ready to go forth into battle.
Godly wives are often called upon to fight these kinds of spiritual battles that Satan would seek to wage against the marriages that were put together by God in the first place. Why? Because I have seen, time and again, where this kind of spiritual vigilance falls more upon the wives who serve God, because they truly understand this necessity of guarding their marriage. They know not to give Satan any kind of foothold, because to give Satan an inch, means he will quickly take a mile, and there’s a risk of being overrun in this area.
Becoming emotionally restless within a long-term marriage is one of those aspects–always seek God for the source of this, and learn to understand that only He can meet–and satisfy–all of your deepest needs. A husband cannot hope to meet every need you have, ladies, but you do not go outside of the marriage to get them met—you look to God for these things, keeping yourself strong in this area.
If you are looking for perfection in your husband, you are not going to get it. You cannot expect from them what you could never give of yourself. Neither one of you has ever had this quality, and as it stands no human being will ever be “perfect.” So learn to become satisfied with what you have in this man, and what you might hope to change in him, hand it to the Lord, and LET IT GO.
As you can tell, I have a serious issue with marriage having become such a disposable aspect. While I understand that some marriages cannot be salvaged without the cooperation of both people, I have also come to understand that if one can pull their marriage out of ANY fire Satan seeks to set within it, with the sole intention of burning it to ashes, one should take the opportunity, trust God for the future, set your mind and heart to the task, and just DO IT!
If people are honest, men are not that complicated in the first place. However, because men and women “speak” emotionally different languages, we women often find ourselves in the position of trying to decipher what our husbands need and want from us.
It is often frustrating, because no human being was ever designed to be a “mind-reader,” and what one wants from a relationship, one must learn to directly ask for it without assuming the other person simply knows what one would want.
You have many men who do not vocalize their needs or wants very well, but if a woman will look to God for a better understanding of her husband, the coexistence between man and wife becomes much easier. Even so, there are times when we are unsure if we are even doing the right thing at the right time.
Women have a strong gift called “woman’s intuition.” This is exercised consistently as we continue to keep a balance struck in the area of accepting this man that God gave us for what is supposed to be a lifetime. No man (or woman, for that matter), is perfect, but I can tell you this: What God gives you, contained within your own husbands, is exactly what you need regardless of what stage of life you may be facing.
God’s expectation of a Godly wife, first and foremost is, according to Ephesians 5:33, to RESPECT her husband. This includes his role as spiritual head of household. God does not command her to love him, because to a man, having the respect of his wife is more important than love. If a wife lacks respect, it increasingly makes it harder for her to love and accept him for what he is, not for what she might want him to be.
Sometimes men have trouble with the head of household aspect, but bear in mind that God has given a man a great responsibility in this area. A man is charged with the sole support of his household in every area. God never intended women to take over the role of a man, and if a woman does this, (unless it’s out of necessity for a short time), because her husband does not seem to be doing the kind of job she thinks he ought to be doing, she commits sin against him within this important aspect.
So, she learns to step back, let her husband learn to fulfill his role in this area, without taking what is his, and making it hers.
The Godly wife understands this concept, as she clearly defines where she ends, and where he begins within the area of emotional, physical, mental and even spiritual boundaries. They are “One” before God, but the couple’s roles remain completely separated within their God-given places within marriage.
She loves him, but she does not allow him to off-load his responsibilities, that were never meant to be hers, onto her shoulders. His place is working to support his household, to be a proper and Godly husband. Her place is within the efficient caring for the needs within his household, as a proper and Godly wife.
She was supernaturally designed to become a necessary part of him, walking beside him, not under him, not “overruling” him, nor behind him. She is his partner in life, always helping him to become the best that he could ever be. She is “The One and Only” true and lasting love in his life. No, she is not perfect, but because she is his, and he is hers, she is perfect enough for him. Her value increases as time goes on, because she does him good, and not evil all her days.
Even when it seems she is trying to hurt his feelings, when she brings up issues she is concerned about, and wants him to address, instead of reacting defensively, a man would need to examine himself honestly to see if her words are speaking to something in him that would need changing. No, she cannot change him, but if he would pay attention, and if he truly cares about how she feels, he would do his best to understand her-even if it means asking a lot of questions to get to the heart of the matter.
Sometimes her spoken word has true merit, as she was also designed to complement (to be “in line with”) his God-given conscience. She speaks wisdom geared toward helping this man learn from his mistakes, instead of judging him for his short-comings. However, if the husband doesn’t choose to listen to her counsel, she has enough patience, love, and grace to let him go, let God handle this man, and she understands that in time, a given situation will resolve.
She is his support, his helpmate, his shoulder, and his soulmate. She is there for her husband when no one will or can be (except God). She understands him in ways no one else could, or ever will–and loves him anyway. In spite of what happens, she encourages him to walk forward in his endeavors. What stands behind every great man, is an even greater woman, who makes him happy because she believes in him.
Although the couple learns to maintain a relationship filled with checks and balances, the Godly wife intuitively understands that a major part of her help given is by being a good listener, a good sounding-board, and when he is weak in a given area, she becomes his strength.
She is what makes his house a home, as she manages her household well, does her part in the raising of the children, and she understands that an important part of managing a home, is being a good steward in every way.
If her husband has given her the responsibility for managing their financial obligations, he should not have to worry about her wasting resources designed to benefit the family as a whole. It should go without saying, this aspect runs a two-way street, because the couple should work together toward consistent financial prosperity. This kind of teamwork in the short term will eventually benefit both in the long term–whether one or both is working outside of the home.
That is not to say they will not fight, fuss, or even complain at or to each other. Life in Paradise, is never without its troubles simply because they are two imperfect human beings who are joined together by God, and bonded for this lifetime.
However, there is no greater treasure within a man’s life, than the woman who does her very best to meet God’s expectations of a Godly wife.