This is from Evans:
hi heartsblessing thanku 4 the this website. It makes me understand the gremlins in my husbands head. His mlc has brought me so much closer to God and i have a deeper relationship than i ever had. I hav always been religious and sumone for morals and values but i neva trusted and relied on God the way i do now. I can help others with problems not neccessarily affairs but all type of everyday drama to look to Jesus , and walk on water. All things possible , there is nothing too hard for God. I hav documented many scriptures from Jesus being son of God to the end time, in between are all scriptures of marriage of divorce of third parties of forgiveness etc. My husbnd visited one day and raised the question of how we could be certain that Jesus was the son of God. I gave him my book to read, bcoz if he reads far enough he wik see what God says on ajl other issues, . He is more humane and we are best friends again. People at his work has told me that he no longer spends his lunch time with her like inhtiallY. He is with the rest of the messroom. I believe 20!4 is going to be a good year. God bless thank u
amazing stuff! God is totally in control. I wil continue to stand and encourage others, even if my husband remains stubborn and does not turn to God and come home. But God has given me more than one scripture that He is going to rebuild the broken walls. And God is not man that He would lie. I shall continue to pester the High Judge until He grant my hearts desire. If the unfair judge eventually succumbed to the womans pleas, what will keep a just God from granting mine. I stand on the word What God has put together, no man can take asunder, i am asking God for bread and He wil not give me a stone, but not my time in His own time. He stil has work to do in all of us maybe in the other woman as well. She might become a living testimony to caution other adultresses. But one thing i know God is stil the same and He will deliver my husband.
Hearts Blessings’ reply:
Hello Evans,
Everything that was written down, was intended to increase people’s understanding and to show them there is hope as long as there is love. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to understand what is often misunderstood.
I, too, had that same desire when I was walking this same road, so long ago. Thank you for coming by again, and I sincerely hope you get what you need in the way of hope, and the understanding you’re seeking, so you can continue to stand for yourself, and for the eventual restoration of your marriage.
Only God knows what is ahead, so we learn to trust Him with our futures. 🙂
Thanks again for coming by. 🙂
BIG HUGS!!
Love,
HB
my husband is in his crisis for 4yr and 6mnts . Just when it seems as if he is cuming to his senses. Spending time with us and spoiling me, he withdraws, he is the nice caring person again, but he is still with the alien. I know that God can and wil restore his sanity, but as soon as i see a ray of hope of him coming out of his tunnel, he seems to disappear and have as little contact with us as he can or is allowed to,. Through all this he has been very caring and whenever i need extra financial assistance he is there for me. I would rather have him here with us as a family as opposed to just being a provider. This is the longest tunnel someone could ever be in. It is very hurtful that a good man could fall so low, but God can and will restore his sanity in His perfect timing. Jesus was 4days late for Lazarus and still on time because the miracle was even bigger. My marriage will not just be healed, but it will be raised from the dead. The man who is with the other woman is not the man i am married to. My man is going to emerge and the old rags will off when he steps out that grave. Soon and very soon God wil save my husband restore his sanity and our marriage of 31years.
What you describe is not uncommon for a major mid-life crisis. Your husband is currently cycling back and forth, unsure of what he wants, and he’s trying to balance a double life that cannot be balanced through good behavior. He withdraws to process his interactions with you. He knows what’s right, but is not ready to make the first steps into returning back. However, eventually, I believe he will; unless he decides to choose a different path. Even when/if he emerges from the affair, and possibly decides to return to you, the road will still be a long one. This would be because time is needed for him and you to change, grow and become what God means for both of you to become. I guess my question is what are you doing for yourself? Surely you’re not just sitting and just waiting on him. When he put you on this path that was not of your own making, your husband made this journey all about you; just as his crisis is all about him. As far as the other woman is concerned, she is controlling and manipulating him, she’s also just as broken as he is, and there is not one thing you can do except to watch the affair run its course. This takes time to complete, so use this time wisely for yourself, let him go, let God work on him, while you work on yourself.
Remember that no matter what happens, you’ll be just fine, and also bear in mind, that there are no guarantees in the crisis, just as there are no guarantees in life. There is hope as long as you still love him. Also remember this journey isn’t just about him; it really is about you, too.
Take care, and God bless you,
BIG HUGS!!
Love,
HB
only God can. My situation was hopeless. My husband was a monster and also concerned. He ne forsook his financial obligations towards me. I prayed i trusted and i waited. God gave me so much strenghth. I hav a different outlook on spiritual life. My husband signed final divorce papers. Until 2day i hav not seen any documentation, bcoz what God has joined 2gether no one can take asunder, its almost 5yrs later and i am being spoilt and treated like when we were courting, he still trying to make the alien seem good, but i know God is totally destructing that affair. It is a matter of time and my husband wil b back where he belongs with his family. He spent the day with us on sunday and i have not seen him so happy in many years. God is working in his life and in ours. There is stil sum work to be done, but victory is nigh, i thank God for being by my side and guiding me for these past five years, nothing is too difficult for God,
thanku so much 4 the advice. I am staying focussed and when confused, or i said something that was taken out of context, it is back 2 ur website. Today u ca
n comprehend why God allowed ur husband to go thru a mlc. Bcoz without ur website i would have gone insane. Thanku 4 all ur input. God bless
dear hb thanku 4 this site, i keep cuming back. My mlc seem to be having lots of fights with alien resulting in him spending nights out in local pub only to returm next morning. Yet he claims to support any one who would want to ensue a cross cultural relationship as he has first hand experience. How can one to be so happy and yet you are leading a free lifestyle where you do as you please and a few days later you are a couple again.
No matter what your husband says, he’s definitely not happy, Evans. Regardless of what they say, no person in a mid-life crisis is ever truly happy. They don’t know what true happiness is, nor have they figured out it comes from within themselves.
He’s still trying to use the other woman to cover over his own inadequacies, and she represents a “mirror” that shows no accountability. The various types of mid-life affairs are nothing but teenage dealings. If you remember what it was like in High School, this is how your husband and the other woman are relating to each other; they are both broken, both immature. Having a lot of fights, then getting back together is evident of the teenage aspect, but also, it shows the clear addiction he feels to how she makes him feel.
He, like so many other people in mid-life affairs, doesn’t realize that he has traded one perceived emotional “prison” for an actual emotional prison, and until he chooses to break the addiction to her, that allows her emotional blackmailing to continue, this emotional cycle of fighting, etc..will continue.
Remember, he left you, because of his(wrong) perception that you were “trapping” him. Yet, she is a different kind of emotional trap, one who seeks to drain the life out of him; but until he sees this for himself, and gains enough emotional strength to begin breaking it down, the affair and all its drama will continue.
If he were honest with himself, he’s really not doing as he pleases, he just thinks he is…he has given his power and control over to this other woman, and is allowing her to manipulate and control him.
There’s nothing you can do except stand back, trust the Lord, and let this disintegrate on its own, in its own time.
I hope this helps.
dear hb i wish i knew where my mlc is at this stage. He came out of silence to being helpful and spending time with us, only to just go back in his shell and we do not hear from him. It is 5 long years that he is a teenager. Yet he is very sensible in other respects, and seems like a more caring person.
Dear Evans,
He is still languishing in Replay, and honestly, that’s enough to know for now. Even if you knew for certain where he was/is within this phase/stage, it still wouldn’t change the importance of working on you, while keeping the door open for his possible return.
He will move through on his timetable, and only when he is ready. No one but God and him has any influence and/or control over when or how he will choose to move forward, backward, or even within his bouts of cycling back and forth. Please try to detach from focusing so closely on where he is, and focus on yourself.
If you keep dwelling on him, where he’s at and what he’s doing, you’ll drive yourself nuts. So, detach, take what you can get when he’s willing to offer it, and trust God for whatever will come, and when it will come.
Let go, and let God do His work on both of you. I hope this helps further.
Love,
HB
dear hb hope u had a wonderful christmas. My mlc had lunch with us at my daughters house. We were shocked to see a 54yr old man with a huge tatoo of ow name on his arm. Just when it seemed that after almost 6yrs that he has the affair and almost living with her for 5yrs, he once again shocked everyone. He took her with to his cousin and said that he is no longer leaving her at a cafe to wait for him when he pops in at family and friends. It looked as if he was returning to his senses when he became concerned about me, and helped out financially, started reconnecting with my daughter and mutual friends. Just as i thought that there was some light. He showed that he wants to be with alienator with all her baggage. This looks like a mlc with no end. The young life is too great. I cannot understand how someone so conservative can change so drastically. Well only God can still restore his sanity, but without Gods hand he has lost his marbles forever, regards enjoy festive season and a great 2014 to you and your family
hb thanku. I shall try not to focus on him, just knowing that u still think that it is a major mlc , bcause there are times that i am being swayed to agree with people that there is witchcraft involved as they are very much involved with these things as a norm, and to us it is absurd but when i get the reassurance from someone who has been there, it eases my thoughts. Yes you are right, it is driving me nuts, thanku for taking the time to advise me God bless and thank u
Food for thought, Evans. What people would think was witchcraft at work, is actually Satan’s heavy influence within the minds of every wayward MLC’er. Satan tempts the typical MLC’er into falling into the deep pit of sin, and the presence of evil is almost tangible, heavily felt, and this also becomes a true battle between good and evil during this same time. Just keep praying for the Lord to continue working within the situation, and stand firm upon your faith, Evans.
Much love, many hugs,
HB
dear hb may u have a great 2014. Thanku for sharing your wisdom with the world. God bless and thanku for your help. 2014 is going 2 be a great year. If God before us who can be against us. He has our marriages engraved in the palms of His hands and no alienator can destroy it. Go well thanku
Thank you, Evans. May you too, have a great New Year. May God bless you according to His riches in Glory. 🙂 ((hugs))