Many people’s childhoods were a repetitive cycle of torment that led to the total destruction of their self esteem, self worth, and self confidence. ((((HUGS))))
Instead of being understanding, parents often unintentionally emotionally abused their children instead. Their attempts to “toughen you up” by telling you to grow a “thicker skin” “You’re too sensitive,” and other such remarks only led to greater feelings of alienation, and deeper feelings of low self worth, low self confidence, low self esteem, and no self love, because you’ve never felt you were not good enough for anyone, not even yourself.
The fact that many of you find it so easy to forgive, and love, denotes a lack of boundaries–personal and relational. Don’t get me wrong, we should be loving, and forgiving, but not to the point we allow other people to take advantage of us, and/or walk on us as if we are a doormat for someone to wipe their emotional feet upon.
You can’t control what other people do, but you can limit your exposure to their sin–that’s a boundary you can set for yourself, while still being loving, and forgiving. Some of the kindest, and most loving people that I’ve known in my life, had boundaries that were rock-solid, and you did NOT cross their boundaries, because they didn’t hesitate to speak up, and let you know what they would and would not tolerate in behaviors from you.
At any rate, you’ve suffered a lot of emotional damage over the years, and though you show anger at times, you also become angry at yourself, because you think about love being patient, kind, etc…but anger is only a signal of something being wrong. Someone says, or does something you don’t like, the anger is letting you know a boundary has been crossed; whether you’re aware of it, or not.
Anger in itself, is healthy human emotion, albeit it’s a negative emotion. Anger isn’t a sin, it’s a feeling. It’s what you choose to do in reaction or response to that anger is what makes it right or wrong. To strike someone in anger is wrong, but to take that same anger, and channel it into a baseball bat striking against a garbage can to release it, is right. Feelings are human, healthy, and normal—actions that result from the feelings are what can either help you, or hurt you. We all have feelings, but we all have choices, too. ((HUGS))
We’ve all had our tormentors who were mean, abusive, and like someone once said many years ago, children are the most cruel of all, but then, that traces right back to the parents that raised them.
You’ve suffered through many times of hating yourself, because you were not like other siblings, who were cute, received more attention than you, etc. As a result, you had trouble accepting yourself for who you were. Many of us in childhood were told so many times, that we were “too sensitive” “too weak” “needed to grow a backbone”—but children don’t understand what those terms mean.
Adult people do, because they have the mental capabilities to understand what this means, but children don’t, and so they take comments like these, and internalize them as meaning, “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not strong enough,” “I’m not capable enough” “I’m not pretty enough,” “I’m not intelligent enough,” and the list continues.
What if I told you I went through something similar, but not exactly like what you’ve been through, but just as painful? You’d have compassion, care, love, and empathy for me, right? OK, so if you would have compassion, care, love, and empathy for HB, why can’t you turn those same aspects into yourself? You’re just as worthy of having those aspects as I am. Through the processing of those past life’s events that you will find the issues that lie within you–the ones that have told you your whole life that you’re weak, sensitive, etc.
As you find each issue of the past, that represents a “child” that sustained emotional damage at the time it was created, you begin to see these separated issues for what they really are, and really were. They were all about someone who didn’t know how to handle your feelings of inadequacy, your hurt feelings because people didn’t notice you, the (normal) jealousy of a child who wanted equal attention, but never got it, because it seemed that other people (certain siblings), were MORE important than you were.
You probably often felt you were more trouble than you were worth, but you weren’t able to communicate that feeling, because in your child’s heart, you felt as if no one was listening to you. ((HUGS))
Our inner critic is the one we listen to the most. Why? Because that inner critic is the one we’re going to believe, in all of its negativity, before we’ll learn to have positive beliefs in our Self. I’ve seen it termed as that “parental voice” that condemns us for making choices to do certain things differently that would lead into positive growth. However, this inner critic doesn’t like change, because its foundation lies within the path of doing the same things over and over again, and expecting something different to happen, and it doesn’t. Why?
Because change is all about US, and it takes change to break a cycle of reacting to a given situation, in an unhealthy way, and transforming it into learning to begin responding in a healthy way. We often expect other people to change, because THEY are wrong, THEY did wrong, and, because they don’t do what we expect them to do–make changes that show us they are aware that they were wrong. That would be a great thing in a perfect world, but this isn’t a perfect world–far from it. So, if we want change, we must first change ourselves.
This creating of change within our Self, is always difficult at best, because, before we learn a better way, we think that what other people do is all about us, when it wasn’t ever about us–it was about the person who did something we know is wrong, but we find that we can’t do anything about it.
In the process of our own journey going forward, we do not have that “other” control that would allow us to control other people. We’re so often frustrated because we are denied what we think we should have, but will never have. So, when we learn we can’t change other people, what does that leave? Why US, of course. 🙂
It’s learning, for example, that no matter what you do, no matter what you say, and no matter where you go, there are people who are notorious gossips–and they WILL talk about YOU. Why? Because some people have nothing better to do than to talk about other people, and say nasty things intended to tear them down. It’s another way of saying, that person being gossiped about is being persecuted in a place where they can’t defend themselves.
Gossips are cowards, because they won’t speak their mind to that person’s face, they’ll do it behind their backs, because they’re jealous, mean-spirited people in the first place. I guess I don’t have to add the fact that gossips are also immature, envious, and often bent on destroying the people they’re gossiping about.
The truth? EVERYBODY talks about EVERYBODY, and what does it matter what “they” say? It shouldn’t, because as long as YOU know the truth, it shouldn’t make any difference what other people have to say about you. Gossips don’t have a good reputation, and people come to know that if they don’t want something told, they certainly don’t tell that person.
Many people take the fact that everybody talks about everybody personally, internalizes it, makes other people’s words all about themselves, and their feelings get hurt. They believe that people should not talk about them at all, and they worry about what other people think of them. However, there are two things people don’t take into consideration when they seek to control the gossips who aren’t going to stop, just because that person gets their feelings hurt:
(1)The person who worries about what other people have to say, doesn’t have control of their life–they’ve giving it to the people who are gossiping.
(2) No one has any control over someone else’s right to speak as they choose. The only control they have is over Self, actions, reactions, chosen responses.
In the end, you learn to live your life, in spite of what anyone else has to say, you let the chips fall where they’re going to, and those malicious people who have nothing better to do than to discuss you with other people? They’re giving other people a rest from their mean-spirited gossip, and you must be a very interesting subject if they’re talking about you in the first place. 🙂
The fact is, we can’t worry about what other people think in the first place–they don’t live our lives, WE live our lives, and regardless of what they might say, or do, it’s our decision, our choice, and our right to choose our paths going forward.
Satan will always seek to do his worst destruction in people’s lives, but God will always do His best construction in our lives. As we continue to grow, we will eventually learn to define ourselves by the Word of God, and not by the issues that lay in our past that only we can choose to begin healing, nor by the vicious words of other people. ((HUGS))
I hope this helps.
((HUGS))
