The Mid Life Crisis and God’s Marital Covenant

In the case of cohabitating, and dating relationships, there is no “Godly binding” either of them would have to answer to. Why? Because they didn’t take the vows that bound them before God and Man. I often illustrate the similarity of relational dynamics, using a known dynamic of teenage relationships as an example. The major difference between dating relationships and the marital relationship is a lack of spoken commitment in one, and presence of a spoken commitment in the other

The Marital Covenant is all about GOD who really doesn’t like it when people seek to break the emotional, mental, physical and spiritual promises they made. People in general, never cease to amaze me. They lack the deep understanding of vows they take within the area of marriage. It’s way too easy to get a divorce, and people who don’t wish to get one, are forced to accept what they can’t control. Society as a whole is at fault for trashing marriage in favor of cohabitation, which doesn’t carry any real commitment aspects.

I have had cases brought to me where God has shown me a “binding” in place, but not the same kind of binding as what comes with the Marital Covenant Binding. However, God has instructed me to help these people, just like I would help people who are married. I’ve been judged harshly for that, not by God, but by people who show ignorance of the ways of God.

I don’t question Him, I just give from what I’ve been given. It’s not my place to judge people who are not married, who are cohabitating with Significant Others–I’m teaching the journey, too…not just about the midlife crisis…and this journey is for all people from all walks of life. What does this have to do with anything? Nothing, except He put this on my heart to speak and put in with this writing. ((HUGS))

Before I understood what it was that brought every midlife spouse back toward the left behind spouse in a never-ending emotional cycle, I used to call it the “strange connection” that drew them back. I’d seen this same connection at work within my own situation, but I thought it was because God did some heavy-duty work within the heart. However, as time went on, I learned a lot of more, and that breakthrough was based on something God had once said to me years ago.

He said, “Regardless of what has happened, I still see the two of you as One Flesh. What happens to one affects the other. I bound you two together many years ago, after I brought you together.” It was YEARS before I connected what He was trying to tell me. He was speaking of the Marital Covenant Binding He had used to bind us together as One Flesh, before Him, before Man, and regardless of what might have happened down the road, He would not release either one of us. It was the only connection/binding that could NEVER be broken.

A midlife spouse may change, range far and wide, and seek to run away, but those marital vows that are broken by them are loaded with consequences they will never, ever escape for the rest of their lives. This same binding will pull and tug at their hearts and minds, because when they took those vows, they committed their hearts, and their minds to the person they willingly bound themselves to.

It’s a spiritual aspect of the marriage where Man and Woman took vows before Man and God, and those vows were taken to heart by God, who then created a “binding” that bound the couple together into One Flesh.

That same ‘binding’ isn’t released, nor broken, unless GOD chooses to break it apart. What this does is ensures that the rebellious, immature, covenant-breaking person never forgets what they have done against their spouse. God doesn’t look kindly upon people who walk away from a marriage without clear justification, and there is a serious consequence in store for those who make a commitment, take a vow, and then break it because of the hardness of their own hearts.

At this time in his life, your husband is deep within the fog of his emotional crisis. Until he “wakes up” to himself, and what he’s done, he won’t see the damage he is doing.

His attempting to control and manipulate circumstances that surround you from time to time, is actually subconscious, and there are many unconscious actions triggered by that single connection that God has not allowed to become broken between the two of you. It’s what keeps him cycling back to you from time to time.

God is leading you forward into a place of your own that is designed to leave your husband behind for now, but your husband is feeling the pull, the draw, the tug of this strong connection that regardless of what he might try, he cannot break it. He doesn’t know what this is, and he tries to put you into a place where he doesn’t have to worry about you getting away. Yet, this isn’t working for him, and it makes him angry, causes him to threaten, bully, and he doesn’t understand why he’s continuing to have this want to keep you from getting too far away from him.

As I recall, God had once shown me that try as he might, my husband was unable to purge himself of the connection he still held to me. He put me out of his mind, (out of sight, out of mind), and that was one thing, but given some time, he would find I was still in his mind AND heart, and he could never rid himself of me.

The midlife spouse has no trouble purging themselves of the connection they once made with the affair partner, because that was NOT a spiritually binding connection. It was a surface connection that was not rooted and grounded in vows, commitment, and the kind of binding God used to put people together. The midlife spouse will feel shame, guilt, addiction, and misplaced responsibility for the affair partner, but given time, and removal of the source of that addiction, that connection will be purged in full.

Not so with the Marital Covenant Binding—this connection is unbreakable, unshakeable, and no one, but GOD can choose to release this aspect from either spouse.

Satan can tempt, storms can rage, people can change, and immaturity can lead people down wrong roads for a time, but what God has put together, let NO MAN put asunder. Man cannot ever purge this spiritual connection, because they are unable to do this without the spiritual permission of GOD. They entered this state willingly, even though it is known that marriage is not to be entered lightly. What one enters willingly, they are held to the promise they made…and as God’s Word clearly says–it is better NOT to vow, than to vow and break it.

God has major emotional torment in store for covenant-breakers….and that same torment always drives the wayward midlife spouse back to the left behind spouse time and time again. If not for this remaining connection, ALL marriages would not last, and every affair would be an exit affair.

Look at what you tried that didn’t work–“managing, fixing, cajoling….” all the wrong things were tried, and he rebelled against them. That would have happened even if you set had down some hard and firm boundaries against whatever behavior you noticed that wasn’t acceptable to you.

BUT–you tried the controlling, and manipulating way that didn’t work for you, and it certainly didn’t work for him. Eventually, it became too much for him to handle, and a crisis resulted, because that emotional dam that contained changes he was eventually going to be forced to make, couldn’t hold back anymore…..and it burst open, overrunning him.

Your husband was presented many times with opportunities to grow up. He refused to do any of it, and that was a choice he made. However, this refusal to grow up finally resulted in this emotional crisis he’s facing, because the burden of immaturity finally became too much to bear/hold back, and it broke him down into total disintegration.

Of course, as you know, his crisis is not about you–he changed in ways you didn’t change, but the kind of changes HE made were not ones you would have agreed with in the first place, because your moral standards are so much higher than his. You, who have greater awareness, know that what he is doing to try and fix his inside problems is a wrong way to go about it.

He rebelled again, just like he had always rebelled before, only this time his rebellion escalated in greater proportions. In his mind, you can’t “help” him with these problems—if you could, he would have “outgrown” you and walked away anyway.

Not just that, but this journey is designed to be a separated one on the part of these two people. BOTH people need time, BOTH people need space, and BOTH people need to learn to focus on Self, AND BOTH people need to learn the answers to all they’re facing are contained within their individual hearts and minds.

How do I explain this? Individual growth is just that—INDIVIDUAL GROWTH…..which means that every person on this Earth has to learn how to deal with themselves within their SELF, before they can learn how to deal with other people.

If you have two people who are married, and they are not walking their own path, because they refuse to let go of each other (codependent aspects) they are actually interfering with each other’s growth. So, a mandatory emotional separation is brought about through life’s way of actually forcing one of those two people into emotional growth, then forcing the other to eventually follow…by beginning a change that begins within at least one of those people.

To begin change, one person must change first. Since no human being is ever going to willingly subject themselves to anything that is remotely painful, this change is triggered by a natural process that God programmed into every human being when He created them.

You don’t get a choice going in–the only choices you ever get is how you will choose to deal with what you’ve been made to face, or forced into facing—either by prior emotional programming, or by the actions of another person who has already been triggered into this by change that occurred within THEM.

It also seems that the major requirement is that one has to be “awake” while the other is “asleep.” So, you have one who is deep in the emotional fog of their midlife crisis, while the other is walking the journey toward wholeness and healing from a point of emotional clarity. This is an opposite aspect, too…food for thought.

It happened to myself and my husband in that way, too. While he was ‘asleep’ I was ‘awake’–and while I was ‘asleep’ he was ‘awake.’ We walked our journeys at separate times, separated completely from each other—but the journey couldn’t finish its work until we were completely separated from each other–emotionally, mentally, physically, and even spiritually, with ONE exception–that Marital Covenant Binding which was the only thread that held us together for all that time we were apart.

One single thread, strengthened by God, holds everything together—and though the midlife spouse might decide NOT to return, you can be sure that they will never be let go, released, and they will suffer serious consequences for their sin.

I hope this helps.

Food for thought…