From Laura:
Hi , this is my first time posting here .I have been living with my husbands midlife crisis for about 3 years now .before the life crisis began wr had an amazing marriage for 13 yrs.he has said he was going to leave before but never did .Starts trying in our marriagd and then with draws again.He has not left yet but plans to in a month has an aptartment now.
At first when he had decied to leave he was done being married me period now that the time in getting close he says he wants to leave the door open to our marriage and work on it .He said moving out will help him clear his mind and fix himself he told me knows he is having a MLC .So my question is what stage of his MLC is he in ? Please help I am more confused then ever
Hearts Blessings’ Reply:
Hi Laura,
He’s still in a Mid-Life Transition/Crisis, that much is clear. There’s nothing you can do about what’s going on, except to give him the space and time he needs to figure himself out. I would venture to say, he’s still in Replay at this point. His moving out is to gain some needed space, so he can deal with himself without distractions. However, some of them will move out, regardless, because staying home, puts pressure of responsibility on them, that they don’t want. I would suggest backing off completely, and giving him this space he needs for himself. Learn to focus on yourself, don’t worry about him, and understand that you don’t have any control over what he does/doesn’t do.
Regardless of where he is within his Transition/Crisis, this process will continue into whatever end it’s supposed to come to. It’s good that he knows he’s having a Mid-Life Transition/Crisis, therefore, it’s possible that he will decide to move forward within this process, do the necessary work on himself in order to change, grow and become, and eventually return back into the marriage. However, while he’s doing that, again, you need to also do the necessary work on yourself, in order to also change, grow and become for yourself.
Keep reading about the Mid-Life Crisis for your own understanding, and also begin to understand, that when he put you on this path that was not of your own making, he also made this about you, just like his crisis is all about him. He wants to leave the door open to the marriage, and work on it–and while that’s also good, don’t have any expectations of what he might do in the future, Laura. This is within the hands of God, and your husband.
Like I always tell people-you might as well get started on your own personal journey to wholeness and healing, that’s the purpose of this time that’s given unto you. You can do nothing for your Mid-Life spouse, but you can do everything for yourself.
The fact is, he’s in a Mid-Life Transition, and he must finish it on his own timetable.
((hugs)) I hope this helps.
Love,
HB