Years ago, there wasn’t much written on the subject of the mid-life crisis, and it wasn’t spoken of, because what was there to talk about? People knew it happened, but a lot of them didn’t know WHY it happened.
People who knew about it were in short supply, and I count myself fortunate, because I didn’t receive my training from a forum message board. I got mine offline, from a lady whom God had sent me. The only reason I ended up on a message board at a later time was because God sent me there to do a work, and begin a platform of learning that was helpful back then.
That same platform was temporarily interrupted to see me through my transitional period, and I returned in 2010 to begin anew.
A lot had changed in between, but the one thing that hadn’t changed, was the nature of the mid-life crisis which included the lessons one had to learn to become fully matured and balanced as a result.
I remembered going into different archives during that same year of 2002, and did a lot of reading, and found so many things that supported what I was writing back then–but people didn’t understand them, because they weren’t written clearly.
That was not the fault of the writer, because the writer knew what he/she was talking about. However, they were unable to clarify what they were writing, and one had to know to recognize what they were seeing in order to truly understand the writer.
It’s a very important aspect for me to write in such a way that is recognizable, and to make sure that people can relate to what’s been written down.
I don’t mind explaining the things I write. In spite of the simplicity of my language, there are some concepts people may not understand, and so questions are often asked, and it’s OK with me.
I think the the biggest problem with people who call mid-life crisis a myth, is they don’t have a good understanding. When people don’t understand something, they tend to criticize, because of that lack of comprehension on their part.
It was somewhat the same with the people who didn’t want to do the inner work. Since they didn’t understand what was required, and didn’t want to find out more so they would understand, they chose to criticize this true concept.
Doing the inner self-work won’t guarantee a positive outcome within the mid-life crisis, but it will make one a better person–and that is really the greater goal, not getting your marriage back.
However, there is a LOT of pain involved when going through this Journey of Self that leads to a more peaceful life, in spite of the ongoing chaos that will always be around the corner. Unfortunately, you have people who do not want to suffer short term for the purpose of gaining a better outlook on life in the long term.
They often see working on themselves as a waste of time, or more trouble-and in that process, they cheat themselves out of the journey of a lifetime-this carries a lot of rewards down this road. However, many people are inherently selfish when it comes to pain; since they don’t want to hurt at all, they let it stop them from pushing through to the other side.
Not just that, but people are actually AFRAID to take this long, honest look within themselves. Why? Because they might find something they do NOT like as they look at these past “skeletons” in their emotional closet. So, they shut the door on the past, and keep looking for outside solutions to inside problems.
Sounds a lot like the mid-life spouse doesn’t it?
That’s because it’s the SAME journey, SAME lessons, SAME inward honest look that’s required to complete our emotional growth, leading to the SAME result-full emotional maturation. Plus, any imbalance that exists becomes balanced, as we become fully healed and whole.
You don’t that see many people like me, who aren’t just focused on the mid-life crisis, but are also focused on the Lessons of Life, Journey to Wholeness and Healing, and it’s all good, because it’s all God in the first place.
I faced this same pain, same kinds of issues, same horrible feelings, and worked my way through them in full. I left NO emotional stone unturned, I knew I couldn’t, because I didn’t want to do this again.
Why don’t more people do what I once did?
Part of it is because when things get better in their marriages, people leave the internet, and don’t return–and part of it is people who get to a difficult part of their journey, and because whatever they’re seeing seems too difficult to view–whether it’s themselves, or something about their mid-life spouse–they seek to bury the rest of it.
What they don’t realize is what they don’t face then, will come back at a later time, and as a result, they’ll carry anger that’s often projected onto other people whom they perceive as being “better” than they are.
However, they wouldn’t choose to come to the realization they could do these same things, reach this same place-if they would only do the same work.
People want to be where a much healthier person is, but they don’t want to do the harder work necessary to get there.
What’s really odd for me is seeing the people that return, because the mid-life crisis has reared its head again for a second time. Since the left-behind spouse allowed the mid-life spouse to ‘bargain’ them into sweeping the major issues under the carpet, and choosing to go on from the place they were in at that time, they have to wonder why they’re going through this again?
I don’t say these things to be critical–but it’s the truth. Someone gave me heck one time, because I speak the truth on these things. The left-behind spouse in question didn’t want to hear that she had issues to work on, same as her mid-life spouse. Oh, no, it’s all the MID-LIFE SPOUSE’S fault..it just couldn’t be hers.
She was swimming in the river of Denial, and that is NOT the river in Egypt.
I got flamed because of that–and you know something? That didn’t bother me in the least. In spite of everything that was spewed at me, I still tried to get her to understand that we ALL have issues to work on–no one is immune to this.
Of course, she decided that I didn’t understand one thing she was going through, and ended up getting her validation from yet another bitter person.
Did it make her feel any better? I have NO idea, because I then turned my attention to someone else who wanted to learn these things, and understood the purpose of this kind of needed and necessary growth.
Who was the loser here? Certainly not me, because I’d already been down that road before, plus, each time I guide someone, or a whole group of people, down the road I’ve already walked more times than I can count, the journey repeats for me in a whole new way, and I learn something more in the way of aspects.
The hindsight, that I so often experience, gets interesting sometimes, because I’m not on that emotional journey any longer, I’m on a whole different life’s journey now. I continue to walk mine, even as I bring more people down that other road that I once walked with someone else, (I also walked this same road a second time, within the presence of God learning a whole new set of aspects), years ago.
I expect more learning, and a lot more of the blessings of God to come forth from this work in time.
There’s no doubt that I put in a lot of hours writing advice for people who seek understanding, answers to their questions, and draw on whatever wisdom I might have to offer.
I would be the first to admit that I don’t have all of the answers, because the majority of these same answers, lie within yourselves as individuals. You are there within your individual situations, I am not. You know your spouse better than anyone, except God. My job is help bring those “hidden” answers out into the open, so you are able to see a much clearer path for yourselves.
My job is also to help increase understanding, to help you see what you can’t see, because you’re so close to the forest, you cannot see the trees.
That’s what I’m here for-I have a wealth of wisdom to share with people, laced with love and compassion for your situations. I know how it feels, I’ve been there, but have never forgotten that place I was once in.
So, you get what’s offered from the place of my own healing–and you can get to this same place I am in. Don’t think for one minute that you can’t. If I can do it, I KNOW you can.
In truth, I was called into this work back in 2002, and while that “call” never changed-it simply evolved into much greater aspects, as I learned even more things.
As a matter of fact, I have gained so much more in the way of knowledge, wisdom and understanding than I had four years ago, when I returned back to begin doing all of this again.
It’s all good, because it’s all GOD, as it always was then, and it always is, now.
((hugs))
Love,
HB