Angry spewing, arrogant justification and deep confusion are often the direct result of pressure exerted by the left-behind spouse who doesn’t understand what is going on.
The mid-life spouse in full rebellion will often spew various angry comments laced with truth designed to force the upset spouse to back off and away from them. The worse upset their spouse becomes, the more justified the mid-life spouse feels in their hateful words, and equally hateful actions.
Sometimes this aspect will still come forth, in spite of the spouse’s attempt to stay quiet around the mid-life spouse.
It becomes “If you didn’t get so upset, I wouldn’t do what I’m doing or say what I’m saying” OR “If you wouldn’t do or say this, I wouldn’t do or say that” OR EVEN, “If you’d just leave me alone, I wouldn’t do or say these things”; never mind the fact that what the mid-life spouse is doing and saying is so clearly WRONG.
After the anger has calmed down somewhat, deep confusion sets in, because somewhere within the mid-life spouse’s “core personality”, they know they should not have spoken in the way they have, or acted in this way; but they do not seem to understand why or how.
I have come to understand the “children” of their issues have a huge part in their angry spewing, and deep confusion.
The “core personality” is very aware of the “child” who is in control, but at the same time, they are not always aware of what has been said or even done by the “child”.
Considering the child of whatever issue they are facing is in control, one never knows what will be said or even done next. The “child” is aware of the “core personality”; and the “child” knows what the “core personality” knows.
Since the “child” knows, and has possession of the “core personality’s” memories, PLUS, has total control/possession of the body itself, the “child” can spew angrily the comments laced with truth, do its best to justify its actions, but the confusion that comes later, as the anger calms down, is enacted by the “core personality”.
This is part of the “clarity” of thought that is seen within various places of the crisis, where the ongoing mental fog that exists within mid-life spouse’s will clear for a time. During these times, they will seem to be very clear in their thought processes.
Yet, if their spouse asks them why they did or said certain things; they will either say they don’t know, OR they will claim they did NOT say or do what they are being asked about.
Well, in reality, the “core personality” has NOT said any of what they are being accused of saying or doing. The CHILD of whatever issue they were facing at that time is the guilty party.
However, once either the same “child” or another child within their past issues, rear its head, the mid-life spouse will retreat, or recede back into the fog of crisis once again, creating a “Jekyll and Hyde” aspect that is so often seen and experienced during the mid-life crisis.
To prevent the “child” or “children” from destroying the “core personality”, the feelings of the mid-life spouse are “buried” to protect them for a later time. This also explains why they will revert, (for a time as Replay begins to wind down, preparing to come to an end), into acting as they had prior to the mid-life crisis, when their feelings are “uncovered” at a time when the “child/children” cannot temporarily affect them.
The aspect of the “children of their issues” also explains how the marriage gets set aside during the crisis; the “CHILD” or even “CHILDREN” in question is/are NOT married; yet, the “core personality” is. The “child” views the mid-life spouse’s husband/wife as one who is “spoiling” all their fun. Therefore, the they become a figure of “authority” to be rebelled against; also one who is trying to “hold” each “child” back as their rebellion grows worse.
Even the mid-life affair that would be clearly adultery to the “core personality” is not “seen” as an affair or even adultery by the “child” who is in control and struggling within their unfinished developmental processes.
As each “child” of each issue is faced, resolved, healed, and reintegrated back into the psyche of a given mid-life spouse, they are never seen again. Another “part” becomes another part of the “whole”.
As long as there are issues, the mid-life spouse will remain within the crisis. As long as there are issues contained within the psyche, certain aged “children” will continue to appear to be dealt with.
This is NOT an attempt to excuse a mid-life spouse’s behavior, but an attempt to help further one’s understanding, within more of a spiritual-type aspect of some of the whys and how these aspects can happen.